B.B. See: After years of silence, the Singapore Navy has finally issued an official disclaimer to assure all Singaporeans that it does not have warships that can transform into robots. Is this really true or is it a typical cover up? Andre Chichak has the news.

Andre Chichak (VO): The controversy started years ago when top-secret videos were discovered showing on TV and at cinema theatres. One video shows a Navy warship transforming into a robot which then fires a rocket at the person holding the camera. He or she is probably not alive now. In another video, a man is sitting in his office when suddenly the buildings around him start sliding into the sea and photocopying machines are seen shooting potted plants out of the windows, for some strange reason.

Andre Chichak (stand up): Because of these exciting videos, many young men and women have done the unthinkable. They have signed on. Now does the Navy really have such cool robot technology? I’m here now with our Navy Spokesman, Colonel Alan Tuang. (handover the mike to Colonel and salutes him)

Navy Spokesman Alan Tuang: (takes the mike and salutes Andre)
Ladies and gentlemen, those videos are not real. I repeat, they are not real. It is just an advertisement. Please do not be alarmed. The Singapore Navy does not have warships that can transform into giant robots with killer lasers and rockets. And our office buildings cannot sail into the sea. Especially when they belong to the expensive banks… Look, I signed on because of the sun, the sand and the sea, you know?! What? The possibility of having such technology in the future? Ah that is classified information. No Comment… Er maybe. Maybe…

Andre Chichak: While the Singapore Navy has denied all existence of robot-transforming warships, we have received intel that a famous director has been invited to Singapore last week.

Director, Michael Bayakrishnan:
(Directs someone offscreen) Put more explosions there. Not enough! I want more Boomz! (To camera) Ah yes, the army people have seen my work. The one where the dancing robots transform into cars. And then they transform back again. Choo choo choo choo choo. So they have asked me to build the next-generation of hi-tech weapons for them. I say, if we can make Avatar, we can also make giant mega robots! Shoot lasers, rockets, flower pots and my favourite, Explosions! Boomz! Bwahahaha! (Walks off to direct someone off-screen) Eh! Don’t play with the robot!

Andre Chichak: Boomz indeed…. It looks like the next-generation army will be having a blast of a time. This is Andre Chichak, reporting for the Noose.


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