Doors close and open, or they revolve

I haven’t posted here for some time, at least 5 years 4 months I think, since that was the amount of time I’ve been working at the broadcaster. Last Friday was my last day and i felt mixed about it. Sad that I was leaving a place with good colleagues and friends I’d gotten to know during the 5 years, the nice benefits scheme provided by the company, and the homely atmosphere where we were like family. Relief and some cautious optimism about my future.

When I entered the company 5 years ago, I thought this would be my last company. Having had a history of not lasting in workplaces for more than 2 years, this says a lot about how i regarded the place and the work.

I’ve worked in SMEs and MNCs, and I would say the atmosphere at the broadcaster was one of the best I know – a nice range of older and younger people, you could tell that some have worked here for years and are still passionate about the work, some are new but they are driven too.

But inevitably, times change. The workload got heavier, the system changed, I bonded with some colleagues on the same project but it came to a point when they decided to leave – for the sake of their health/personal lives – and I also began to wonder if it’s worth it – the late nights and burnt weekends. I knew I was getting burnt out. It was the same in some SMEs I worked in, invariably ad agencies.

Around my two-week break from work, my girlfriend got me a Nintendo Classic mini and I spent the time at home, playing games from my childhood and thinking about my situation. The NES homebrew community was strong and I recalled my interest in programming and tech. I decided to learn some programming languages online so that I may eventually go into that field, maybe. I studied CSS/HTML/Javascript on the train journey to work, seeing it as a respite from work stress – my way out.

Have you read the short story, The Ones Who Walked Away From Omelas, by Ursula Le Guin? I recommend it. It reminds me of the situation, where in order for the country/organisation to prosper, some individuals have to suffer.

So i thought about it, whether I should quit, and i saw that there was a full-time web development course coming up which i’m interested in, and i decided to take it up. I tendered, spoke to my boss about how I felt and why, and here I am. It feels like back to square one – in a way. I hope that i can still draw on my previous work experiences and leverage on them. Also, to avoid making mistakes I’ve made previously – like not speaking up enough. I’ll try to fix that. Alright, the future is unknown, but I will try my best again. Take care.

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