Noose Season 3 received an international Emmy… nomination!

Today is Tuesday, October 4th 2011, and it’s a great day.

Just saw on Alaric Tay’s Facebook post that The Noose Season 3 has received an international Emmy award nomination. Hmm, could this be a joke?

Here’s a pic for posterity:

How do i feel right now?

I feel lucky. I feel like I’ve won a prize somehow. The luck of the draw. Like they say, just being nominated is enough. You already feel closer. You feel humble too, because it’s an honour, and somehow, it wouldn’t be possible if Prem, the producer of The Noose, and the people at MediaCorp, if they hadn’t given me the opportunity to write for The Noose.

Have to thank the Onion for their inspiring work too.

Lesson to self:  Have to, must, I want to continue writing, creating and learning, even when there’s no audience. Because you never know when it will help you.


Noose tv scripts – Warning on health product, “Powerful Rooster for Man”

Adrianna Wow:
The Health Sciences Authority has issued a warning on a health product called POWERFUL ROOSTER FOR MAN. According to their initial findings, undeclared potent substances have been detected during quality checks.

B. B. See (V.O):
The demand for health products is on the rise in Singapore, driven by increasing numbers of people who are too lazy to exercise. Now, a fake health product called POWERFUL ROOSTER FOR MAN has been taken off the shelves for containing dangerous substances. Doctor Ethenol Kwek, the inventor of the Great Singapore Workout and a researcher with the Health Sciences Authority, presents his findings.

HSA Doctor, Dr. Ethenol Kwek:
This fake health product, POWERFUL ROOSTER FOR MAN, claims to be made from the natural essence of the rooster. But after our tests, it’s found to contain paraepidisterbonol, dequadromentafilistra and blajakrayontine-34. These are classified as banned substances which can cause serious side effects, such as: smoother skin, shinier lustrous hair, increased jumping and athletic ability, stronger bones, healthier kidneys, faster brain activity, higher metabolism and the ability to crow loudly like a rooster. These are very serious, dangerous effects so we have issued a warning and will investigate the company accordingly.
B. B. See (standup):
According to the Jurong Hospital cum Mortuary, 5 men who have taken the fake health product are currently admitted in serious condition. One of them actually looks like Orlando Bloom now. With a Singlish accent. Unfortunately, he has refused to show his face in our interview.
Orlando-looking Mr. Rooney Lim: (interviewed in silhouette)
All I wanted was to enhance a certain part of my health… But now, I have shiny hair, my skin is fairer and smoother, and my friends say I look a bit like Oh-Lun-Do Bloom! Sigh if I had known that this was a fake product made in a factory in Jurong, I wouldn’t have taken it! (Crows loudly!)
Adrianna Wow:
What a poor sad man. The health authorities advise all Singaporeans not to purchase POWERFUL ROOSTER FOR MAN, which is commonly sold at void decks and sleazy back-alleys near your neighborhood.

Noose tv scripts – MediaCorp introduces Wedding Planning Services (unaired)

Adrianna Wow: (Hums the wedding theme and sighs dreamily)
It’s every girl’s wish to have a fairytale wedding, but in real life, planning a wedding can be so complicated!

Never fear! A company with years of experience in planning weddings is here to help you. That’s right, it’s MediaCorp.

MONTAGE OF WEDDING THEME: TV WEDDINGS & CELEB WEDDINGS (Fann Wong & Christopher Lee, Michelle Chia & Shaun Chen)

B.B.See (VO):
They have years of experience in holding weddings. Whether it’s because the plot calls for it, or because they just want to attract more viewers, the Wedding Planning Department in MediaCorp has helped to plan many elaborate weddings. Now, the company has decided to launch its exclusive service to all their viewers.

Foo Yong Tau, MediaCorp Wedding Planner:
We understand what our viewers want, we know what’s the dream wedding. So we have created the special Fann Wong & Christopher Lee-wedding package. It will be like their wedding all over again. Also because we have to recycle the props and the Styrofoam wedding cake.

B.B.See (VO):
In the special Fann Wong & Christopher Lee-wedding package, couples will get to wear Fann and Christopher’s wedding costumes, complete with special make-up by the make-up artist of Incredible Tales. In addition, previous Singapore Idols will provide music entertainment at the wedding dinner.

One of the fans of MediaCorp who is going to sign up for the package, is 28 year old Barbarella Moyce Tee.

Barbarella Moyce Tee:
Hello everybuttie, my name is Barbarella Moyce Tee. I am getting married soon. I finally found my Prince Charming, after I saw him at the pub. I am so very happy they have this wedding planning service. But I cannot sign up yet because I have to wait for my fiancé. You know, he has gone back to his country for a while, he is from Romania. Please come back soon darling!

B.B.See (standup):
Getting married is a wonderful thing, because you can buy a HDB flat together. If you are interested to take up a wedding package, please send your email to the address below. ( As for other plans, MediaCorp says they might consider live telecasts of celebrities giving birth in the future.

Noose tv scripts – Singaporeans to be shown Panda-mating videos to help increase birth rate


B.B. See: The declining birth rate in Singapore has always been a nagging problem but it looks like a new solution to reverse the downward trend has finally been found.


Andre Chichak (V.O): Under a new scheme by the new Ministry of Reproduction, panda-mating videos will be shown to Singaporeans to encourage them to start their own families. Dr. Ai Bao Bao explains why in a press conference today.

Dr. Ai Bao Bao, Ministry of Reproduction:
Less and less babies are being born every year. We have to try new solutions! According to scientific research, panda-mating videos have proven a success with the very shy Giant Pandas. So we believe this creative solution will also help save another endangered species: the Singaporeans!

Watching panda-mating videos will inspire all Singaporeans to do their national duty! Under this new scheme, all newly married couples will receive a special DVD boxset of Panda movies for reference. (Shows DVD boxset)


Andre Chichak (V.O): Will these Panda instructional videos, specially imported from China work? Let’s ask Singaporeans on the street and see what they think of the black and white creature.

Andre Chichak with Vox-Pop Qns: Do you like Zebras? I mean Pandas? Are you excited to see Pandas in future? Have you watched the movie Kung Fu Panda? If they have another Panda movie, will you watch it? Which of the following will you choose, a poisonous snake, a giant spider or a cuddly panda? What do you think of panda-mating videos?

KTV Gal Lulu: Hi ni hao, wo shi Lulu… for economically success, Singapore needs to catch up with the China rapid development growth, and human reproduction. In China, Sze Chuan, the Giant Pandas eat 15kg of bamboo every day and mate once a year. But this is still 5 times more than the Singaporean! Singaporeans eat 3kg of rice and only mate once very 5 years. We must watch and learn from the videos.


B.B. See: In order to support this nation-building effort, MediaCorp will be showing a series of panda-mating movies after 10pm on weekday nights, starting from next Monday. Don’t forget to catch the first movie, Panvatar in 3D.

Noose tv scripts – Changing Histories / Construction Site tours


Adrianna Wow:
First there were heartland tours, where visitors bravely venture into Toa Payoh and Tampines, now an innovative tour agency has come up with a new tour — the Changing Histories Tour. Andre Chichak has the news.

Andre Chichak (VO):
Building… building… And building more buildings. In a country that’s always changing itself, a tour agency has decided to bring visitors on a new sightseeing tour, the Changing Histories Tour. Where visitors can learn about Singapore’s changing history by admiring our historic buildings, or what’s left of them. (SHOW NATIONAL LIBRARY ROAD TUNNEL)

The agency organizing the Changing Histories Tour is Chan Sisters and their manager, Chan Ma Li, tells us more.

Chan Sisters Manager, Chan Ma Li:
So many places changing in Singapore. We just want to show visitors a little bit of our history. A little bit… See? (holds up a red brick) This used to be our National Library. Now it’s a million dollar tunnel. This (toilet tap), from the Specialist’s Shopping Centre toilet. This (satay stick) is from the Old Satay Club. We’re waiting for them to demolish the National Stadium, then we can start organizing tours there.

Andre Chichak (VO):
Another aspect of the Changing Histories Tour will bring visitors on an adventure across the changing face of Singapore, to look at places that are currently in the midst of change, namely our construction sites.


Visitors can take a closer look at muscular men and hi-tech equipment like the crane, pile driver, and the ever-popular earth excavator. They will also get a full hands-on experience by helping to push wheelbarrows or mix the cement.

Andre Chichak (standup): (beside a toilet bowl)
Even the hotel for tourists is currently changing, under construction. And by paying an extra $100 dollars per night, visitors can build their own personalized toilet bowl. In the Changing Histories Tour, everyone can help to change Singapore. This is Andre Chichak, reporting for the Noose.

Noose tv scripts – Medival business news (unpublished)

B. B. See:
And now, a look at what’s happening in the world of business with Allan Boomzberg.

Allan Boomzberg:
Hear ye, hear ye! An important trade announcement from his majesty, the ever-wise King Henry.

With effect from the morrow, all trade within the kingdom shall come under a royal tax. All nobles, merchants and peasants (spits), shall have to pay duties of 10 gold coins for each cow or goat they sell at the market square.

For selling chimpanzees kept as pets, the tax is 6 gold coins. For chimpanzees kept as husbands, 3 gold coins.

For chickens and ducks, the tax is 8 gold coins. Half of it will pay for medical tests for the bird, and half of it will go into the bird’s favorite charity. Thou shall never question his Majesty’s wisdom.

For horses, the trading tax shall be 20 gold coins, as his majesty, the ever-wise King Henry, wants to encourage all good and gentle folk to take up public transport instead. Rest your hearts that public transportation will be less crowded from now as additional donkeys have been hired and the maximum number of passengers per donkey has been lowered to 12.

That’s all the business news we have for our kingdom this week.
Fare thee well, good sirs, ladies and peasants (spits).



B.B. See: After years of silence, the Singapore Navy has finally issued an official disclaimer to assure all Singaporeans that it does not have warships that can transform into robots. Is this really true or is it a typical cover up? Andre Chichak has the news.

Andre Chichak (VO): The controversy started years ago when top-secret videos were discovered showing on TV and at cinema theatres. One video shows a Navy warship transforming into a robot which then fires a rocket at the person holding the camera. He or she is probably not alive now. In another video, a man is sitting in his office when suddenly the buildings around him start sliding into the sea and photocopying machines are seen shooting potted plants out of the windows, for some strange reason.

Andre Chichak (stand up): Because of these exciting videos, many young men and women have done the unthinkable. They have signed on. Now does the Navy really have such cool robot technology? I’m here now with our Navy Spokesman, Colonel Alan Tuang. (handover the mike to Colonel and salutes him)

Navy Spokesman Alan Tuang: (takes the mike and salutes Andre)
Ladies and gentlemen, those videos are not real. I repeat, they are not real. It is just an advertisement. Please do not be alarmed. The Singapore Navy does not have warships that can transform into giant robots with killer lasers and rockets. And our office buildings cannot sail into the sea. Especially when they belong to the expensive banks… Look, I signed on because of the sun, the sand and the sea, you know?! What? The possibility of having such technology in the future? Ah that is classified information. No Comment… Er maybe. Maybe…

Andre Chichak: While the Singapore Navy has denied all existence of robot-transforming warships, we have received intel that a famous director has been invited to Singapore last week.

Director, Michael Bayakrishnan:
(Directs someone offscreen) Put more explosions there. Not enough! I want more Boomz! (To camera) Ah yes, the army people have seen my work. The one where the dancing robots transform into cars. And then they transform back again. Choo choo choo choo choo. So they have asked me to build the next-generation of hi-tech weapons for them. I say, if we can make Avatar, we can also make giant mega robots! Shoot lasers, rockets, flower pots and my favourite, Explosions! Boomz! Bwahahaha! (Walks off to direct someone off-screen) Eh! Don’t play with the robot!

Andre Chichak: Boomz indeed…. It looks like the next-generation army will be having a blast of a time. This is Andre Chichak, reporting for the Noose.